An Open Letter to The Home Depot: Stop Making Me Feel Like a Criminal

Dear Home Depot Executives,
I’m writing this as someone who genuinely enjoys shopping at your stores—at least in theory. I love the endless aisles of tools, the towering shelves of lumber, and the oddly comforting smell of fertilizer and sawdust. What I don’t love? Feeling like I’m starring in an episode of America’s Most Wanted every time I walk through your doors.
It starts the moment I step inside. Sure, I expect security cameras—that’s normal. But the full-blown surveillance parade? The security guards giving me the side-eye like I just crawled out of the ceiling vents? And let’s not forget the undercover loss prevention folks, doing their absolute worst at being undercover. They lurk around, pretending to shop, staring just a little too hard at their phones like they’re tracking my every move on some secret app. Spoiler alert: you’re not blending in. Following me from aisle to aisle, occasionally popping up like a glitch in a video game, isn’t exactly subtle.
Pro tip: if someone’s pretending to shop but never actually buys anything, eventually people notice. And nothing screams “trustworthy shopping environment” like having a stranger awkwardly hover three feet behind you while you’re trying to compare light bulbs. It’s like, “Hey, I just want to pick the right wattage, not feel like I’m about to be tackled over a $5 extension cord.”
But wait—it gets better. Not only do I get the VIP surveillance treatment while I shop, but I’ve also been banned from returning items without a receipt for store credit. Apparently, trying to return something I obviously bought from your store is a crime now. Sorry I didn’t laminate every receipt since 2012—my bad. And when I do have store credit? Oh, joy! Except I can’t use it unless I have a government-issued ID that matches the name on the credit.
And here’s the kicker: you don’t just check the ID—you scan the back of it. Yes, that’s right. You’re capturing all that personal data from my driver’s license just so I can buy some caulk with a $15 store credit. What exactly are you doing with that information? Are we opening a credit line, or am I just trying to buy a wrench? It’s a massive privacy issue. No one should have to sacrifice their personal data just to spend money they already spent at your store. I’m trying to patch drywall, not sign up for a government security clearance.
And to make matters worse, none of it makes any sense. What if someone gave me the credit as a gift? What if I bought it from someone? Since when did using store credit come with more red tape than an IRS audit? Why does redeeming $20 feel like I’m trying to breach national security protocols? What’s next—DNA samples at checkout? A background check before I buy plywood?
Look, I understand the need for loss prevention. Retail theft is a problem. But maybe—and hear me out here—there’s a way to prevent theft without treating your actual paying customers like they’re auditioning for Ocean’s Eleven. Other stores manage to do it. I go to Target, buy my stuff, and leave without feeling like I’m about to be tackled in the parking lot. Why is that so hard for Home Depot?
Your stores should be places where people come to build things—houses, projects, memories—not their criminal record. So, maybe consider training your staff to tell the difference between a regular customer and an actual threat. And for the love of all things DIY, stop acting like using store credit is some covert operation that requires data collection worthy of the NSA.
Because right now, the only thing you’re successfully stealing is my patience.
Sincerely,
A Frustrated and Increasingly Disloyal Home Depot Customer